1 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,800 [narrator] A tragic and sad Wednesday, 2 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:15,360 it was the anniversary of his passing by the accountant Fantozzi Ugo. 3 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,720 Mariangela, go and give dad a kiss. 4 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:28,400 Hello, dad. 5 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:34,320 Go slowly, I can't see well! 6 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,800 Trust blindly. 7 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:41,120 Here we are. It should be here. 8 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,640 - Thank you! - Please. 9 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:47,560 Surveyor! 10 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:51,520 - Lady! - Thanks for remembering. 11 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:55,600 [Filini] They put it here too in a basement, like in the office. 12 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:58,280 Don't do that. 13 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,400 These are not than his mortal remains. 14 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:06,800 He's up there enjoying his beautiful place in paradise. 15 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:23,800 - [man 1] We've been waiting for months! - [man 2] Open the gates! 16 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:27,240 In reality Fantozzi was still there awaiting placement 17 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:29,840 outside the white gates of heaven. 18 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,200 The Almighty of that time he had in fact gone unbalanced 19 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,120 in the rash promise of a million seats, 20 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,400 but he had spectacularly missed at his word. 21 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,800 At a certain point, however, things changed. 22 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,920 Shut up. Good! 23 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,960 Blessed companions, this is no longer the entrance. 24 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,800 - From today, it opens on the left! - On the left? 25 00:03:58,480 --> 00:03:59,480 U-turn! 26 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:02,640 Who said: "Backtrack"? Look, I was first! 27 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:05,520 - [man 1] Let's go! - [woman] Finally in paradise! 28 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,520 One moment! 29 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,800 Here I am! Here... 30 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,920 But... I have to go in! 31 00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:19,440 [D'Alema] Complete! 32 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,200 - Complete? - Yes. 33 00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:24,360 Eh, but you see, doctor... Excuse me, you know... 34 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:29,200 Me first, at the other gate, I was actually the first! 35 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:32,760 The last will be first and the first will be the last. 36 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,320 It's always been a part of our program. 37 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:40,120 Ah, the Olive Tree! In short, there was quite a turnaround! 38 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:45,720 Forgive me, young man... er, doctor, In the meantime, where can I settle? 39 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,520 We are creating new spaces in the South of limbo. 40 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:53,320 Ah, good. In the meantime, with patience I'm waiting here at the gate. 41 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:58,280 No, you fall under Article Eight of our program, "L'Incicione". 42 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,680 It will therefore benefit of a temporary return to Earth. 43 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,000 - On Earth? - Of course! 44 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,320 For a while he sees his family again, your loved ones, aren't you happy? 45 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:11,640 Well, yes, but you see, miss... no, I meant... surveyor, 46 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,640 I'm very dead, they gave me a funeral. 47 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,120 I wouldn't want, when I see myself again, they were scared. 48 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,440 This is why there is oblivion. 49 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:22,600 Nobody will remember anything, it will be as if he never died. 50 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,880 Never, never died. 51 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,960 To go back up, Who should I contact, Sister Angela... 52 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:29,720 I mean…lawyer? 53 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:33,640 Because here there is a continuous alternation. Now there's her with the moustache... 54 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:38,120 Don't worry. For five years, she will find us. 55 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,560 - Five years? - This is for her. 56 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:47,320 - What is it? - When it lights up, she will have to return. 57 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:50,880 Okay, then I'm leaving. 58 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:54,400 Excuse me, nurse... I meant... head nurse, 59 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,720 It really guarantees me oblivion, eh? Well, goodbye. 60 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:04,280 [Russian man] 61 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,120 Pina! Coffee and newspapers! 62 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,000 Did you sleep well? 63 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,920 Huh? But there's something here... 64 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,680 Here's your coffee. 65 00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:27,560 But how did you dress? 66 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:32,200 - In black, Ugo. - In black. 67 00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:35,720 Listen, I'm going shopping. All right? 68 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:36,880 All right. 69 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:40,960 Ah, don't forget that at one you have to go and pick up Ughina from school. 70 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,000 Excuse me for a moment, Don't you have parents? 71 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,200 - Why do I have to go there? - I'm travelling, Ugo. 72 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:53,200 I'm going to watch the African Cup of Nations final and they left the little girl with us. 73 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,800 Don't you remember? 74 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,240 Yes, I remember that. 75 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,000 But... what is it? 76 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:21,360 Sorry... It's like I'm dead. 77 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,400 Grandpa, you would have some bragging rights for the drink? 78 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,400 How the hell do you talk? Away, ignorant! 79 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:40,160 Learn Italian, educate yourself! 80 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,440 What an asshole! 81 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:11,760 Where the hell... 82 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,840 - Grandpa! - Ah! Hate! 83 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:19,960 Sorry, love. So dressed up, I didn't recognize you. 84 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:24,960 - Where were you? I've been waiting for you for half an hour. - I hid out of shame. 85 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:31,120 No, I don't like this speech. Dear little one, you must never be ashamed. 86 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:34,480 Did you understand? You are a little girl like any other. 87 00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:37,120 Well, I mean... Keep your head down. 88 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:41,120 No! I'm not a little girl like the others: they have a scooter. 89 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:44,320 Only an old man comes to pick me up with a crappy car! 90 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:49,640 "An old man with a crappy car"? Are you talking like that moron over there now? 91 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:50,600 Huh? 92 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:52,120 Hey! 93 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:55,280 Do you smoke, too? It hurts you! 94 00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:59,280 What you call "scrausa machine" I've had it for 20 years, 95 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:03,000 it works great and I intend to keep it for at least another 20. 96 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:13,160 - It's ready on the table! - [Fantozzi] Here I am! I sit here. 97 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,920 The vermicelli! I'm terribly hungry! 98 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,800 What is this stuff? 99 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:23,120 Double cheeseburger with chips and ketchup. 100 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,120 Huh? 101 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:28,760 But I had ordered vermicelli with tuna! 102 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,120 I know, but we can't impose on Ughina our habits. 103 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:33,240 I'm going out! 104 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,800 But how? I have prepared for you! Eat something first. 105 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:40,280 What do you want? Two balls! I'm going to the disco. 106 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:43,880 - At this time? - By force! 107 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,560 I have to take three buses and do a track piece. 108 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:51,160 - But when I get the scooter, you'll see! - No, your parents don't want it. 109 00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:53,600 It's too dangerous... 110 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,520 and we are perfectly agree with them. 111 00:09:58,320 --> 00:09:59,560 What time are you coming back? 112 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,000 [door closing] 113 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:06,920 The little girl absolutely must be back by midnight. 114 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,960 - I swore it to Mariangela. - Okay, okay! 115 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,840 You deprive me of the joy of spaghetti, though! 116 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,520 You who are a man, order him! 117 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:18,480 - I? - Eh. 118 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:19,920 Go! 119 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:21,600 The man? 120 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,880 - Go! - Am I being a man? 121 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,720 The man, here. 122 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:28,400 Here's the man! 123 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:34,520 Uga, it's your grandfather talking to you! 124 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,800 [loud raspberry] 125 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:41,280 Remember that you have to come back strictly no later than midnight! 126 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:42,280 It's an order! 127 00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:47,920 So what did he say? 128 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,440 He said... 129 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,760 who returns at one. 130 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:03,400 Ugo! 131 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:08,160 - Ugo, wake up. - Coffee, newspapers, the post! 132 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:14,520 - What the fuck are you doing? It's three in the morning! - Uga hasn't returned yet. 133 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,800 Hasn't she returned yet? 134 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,520 Very good! [laughs] 135 00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:23,720 Ugo, has something happened to you? 136 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,480 She came out with the collar, right? 137 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,760 It has a tag, you'll see they bring it home. 138 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,760 No, Ugo. I'm worried. You must immediately go and look for her, 139 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,480 At the disco? 140 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:47,160 To get help in that research into the world of young people, 141 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:51,200 Fantozzi turned to the only friend younger than him, 142 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:53,880 the infamous surveyor Filini. 143 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:58,800 [distant music] 144 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,720 - Accountant! - Eh, what is it? 145 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:06,360 - How did he dress? - I? How did you dress? 146 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,680 I'm in a disco outfit! 147 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:12,480 Come! 148 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:19,160 What clothes did she give me? 149 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:24,240 But how? I styled it when I was young like us, like Zucchero Fornaciari! 150 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:26,240 Do you know who he is? 151 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,680 Yes, one had a cup, he put some granulated sugar in it, 152 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:35,440 he drank it and then put it on in a wood-fired oven. 153 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,960 Zucchero Fornaciari is a singer, he is the idol of us young people. 154 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,840 You? But is she young? In short... 155 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:46,360 - She should be put in the oven. - Okay, let's go. 156 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:50,640 Look, but for us young people won't the music be too loud? 157 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:51,520 Uh, no! 158 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:56,560 [very loud music] 159 00:12:56,640 --> 00:13:01,840 [very loud music] 160 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:06,000 At dawn, after a useless search in 18 nightclubs, 161 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:10,520 they heard that the baboon... the little girl was bundled up 162 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,360 with a group of madmen who jumped from a bridge 163 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,200 with the elastic rope tied at the ankles. 164 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:23,280 - Sorry, didn't you see a little girl... - [man] Whose turn is it? 165 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,000 - [Filini] To him. - Why me? 166 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:26,680 Because the granddaughter is his. 167 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:32,800 And if you want some information, you have to sneak in: play the mole! 168 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,200 - What's that? - The mole! 169 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:41,120 Let us see. No, for goodness sake, move, quickly, jump! 170 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,240 - The young man jumps! - [Fantozzi] The young man bu... 171 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,480 [Filini] What is it? On! 172 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,120 [Fantozzi] The young man bu... 173 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,600 "Boo boo" what? 174 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:54,520 I try to pray, but I can't... 175 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,320 Oh, mother! I can't look underneath! 176 00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:00,280 - I feel like throwing up! - [man] How much do you weigh? 177 00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:03,920 In the end I die first! Look, 94 kilos. 178 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,680 Hey, you say a burden when you're young, keep it low! 179 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,400 - Miss, listen! - Yes? 180 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:15,000 - Janitor, I'm young: 54 kilos. - Fifty-four. 181 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:19,120 I said 54. Oh God, I fucked up! 182 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,640 - I wouldn't want to be in my shoes! - [Filini] Come on, for a little jump? 183 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,440 [man] Ready? 184 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,160 - [Fantozzi] Who? - Her! 185 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,600 Why me? I want to bargain! 186 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,960 - Don't hesitate, go for it! - Better to do it in about ten years. 187 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,120 [screams] 188 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,440 In order to track down Uga, 189 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:46,680 they also went with a wretched gang of busy fools 190 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:51,400 in the brutal throwing of the stone from the highway overpass. 191 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,160 [Filini] Forward with the stone, it's his turn! 192 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,480 - [Fantozzi] Always to him? - [Filini] Fantozzi, come on! 193 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,640 - What should I do with it? - You throw it, right? 194 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:02,840 I am afraid to damage some machine. 195 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,560 What do they care? It's not his! 196 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:09,840 Then, another thing: give us a brutal face! 197 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,840 Show us? Well, in short... 198 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:15,800 Launch! 199 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,000 Do I do it... now? 200 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:20,200 There he is! 201 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,120 Now I do it! 202 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:31,560 [Filini] Did he catch her? 203 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,240 - Full! - Well done! [laughs] 204 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,120 Abandoned the youth track, 205 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,160 Fantozzi continued his search alone, 206 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,480 beating more traditional paths. 207 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,680 Everything OK. Don't worry, Pina. 208 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:48,680 He is neither in the hospital nor in the morgue and so he's fine! 209 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,480 Thank Heaven. 210 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:53,600 But we can't stay with hands in hand waiting for her. 211 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,800 Who was there? I put an advert in the newspaper. 212 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,720 So here it is... 213 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,560 I wrote: "Lost female specimen, 214 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:05,560 short hair, medium size, responds to the name of Uga. 215 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:09,880 Competent tip to anyone who contributes to the discovery." 216 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,960 Sorry, what newspaper is this? 217 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,720 "Four Paws" it is a specialized newspaper... 218 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,680 Parents must be notified immediately. 219 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,200 In Africa? Are you crazy? 220 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:25,320 Spring! Are you stupid? We want to throw away a lot of money 221 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,400 for a stupid call intercontinental? 222 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,480 Pina, don't worry. You will see that we will have some news soon... 223 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,120 Ouch, how bad! 224 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:45,760 A hammer blow... to the back of the head... Oh God, that hurt! 225 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,200 What is it? A coconut? 226 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,920 - No! - Things? 227 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,120 A message. 228 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:59,120 "Uga has been kidnapped. We will let you know the conditions of payment of the ransom. 229 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,560 To show you that we're not joking, 230 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:05,120 you will find a piece of Uga in the coconut." 231 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,640 Oh God... Oh, Mom... 232 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,720 They cut off her tail. 233 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:14,960 But what are you saying? 234 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,200 It's her braid! 235 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:22,640 Come ti viene in mente? 236 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:31,400 Che lei sappia, did your niece have a boyfriend, a boyfriend? 237 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:35,200 Someone he could get away with per una fuga d'amore? 238 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:42,520 Fuga d'amore? Ma lei l'ha mai vista? Gliela faccio vedere! 239 00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:47,160 Here you go. Secondo lei, Is there anyone who can find out... 240 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,920 Cosa pensate di fare? 241 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,360 In these cases, we adopt a standard system: 242 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,160 congelamento dei beni, phone under control, 243 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,920 panther in front of the door and intervention of the dog unit. 244 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:07,120 Madam, can you give me a piece of clothing, an object belonging to the missing person? 245 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,400 Yes, certainly. Here. 246 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,560 Don't worry. 247 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,720 Now you will see that the dog sniffs 248 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,800 and takes us... 249 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,680 Oh, my goodness... 250 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:49,920 To raise awareness public opinion on the fate of Uga, 251 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,600 Fantozzi chained himself in front to the Ministry of Justice and Justice, 252 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:58,800 but he did it in tragic concomitance with the early opening of the gates 253 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,680 for the infamous Easter Monday weekend. 254 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,120 Here! Let's save Ughina! 255 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:10,840 In the end, he got the most authoritative of the appeals. 256 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:14,760 [Pope John Paul II] Today we make a fervent appeal 257 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:20,440 for it to be returned to the affection of his family 258 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,240 little Uga Fantocci. 259 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:26,400 - But it's Fantozzi! - Now is not the time! 260 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:29,000 We make an appeal to the kidnapping brothers: 261 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,280 free the babbui... er, the monkey... 262 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:34,800 er, the little girl! 263 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:45,320 But all the efforts of the Fantozzi spouses seemed vain. 264 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,480 Days passed without any news 265 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:51,560 and the wait she became more and more anxious. 266 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,200 Pina, there's no point in deluding yourself. 267 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,800 I think the kidnappers they won't show up again. 268 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,920 Thank Heaven! 269 00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:12,160 Ouch! I went... under a tram! 270 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:15,560 Wonderful news! They set the ransom amount! 271 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:17,320 How wonderful? 272 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,480 Three million and 650 plus VAT? 273 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:25,800 Let me pass. Holy shit... More VAT? 274 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,360 What are you doing? You're not going to call the police! 275 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,400 It's an honest figure, Ugo, and we are able to pay it. 276 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:35,880 He's the accountant. 277 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,640 I want to ask him about VAT Taxes can be deducted on seizures. 278 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:43,680 Ugo! The problem is that our bank account is frozen! 279 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,880 Who cares! We'll collect the money anyway! 280 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,920 Withdraw the frozen money, 281 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,320 following the instructions of the kidnappers, 282 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:09,000 they went to drop them off at stand 23 of the trade fair. 283 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:21,800 [doorbell] 284 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,760 - Good morning. Casa Fantozzi? - Yes. 285 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,560 Is this yours? 286 00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:33,680 Ughina! Grandma's treasure! 287 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,360 Pretty! 288 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:39,320 Thank you, Mr. Agent, for bringing us our granddaughter. 289 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,520 It's the dearest thing we have. 290 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:42,880 Oh, dear, yes. 291 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:46,320 Here you have to pay 100,000 lire because she ran a red light, 292 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:51,640 200,000 lire for dangerous driving and 300,000 lire because he travels without tax. 293 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:53,840 Do you want some advice, ma'am? 294 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,680 Take the scooter away from him. Good morning. 295 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,800 What scooter was he talking about? that agent? 296 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:07,880 Uga? 297 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,000 It wasn't you! 298 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,240 What was I supposed to do? If it was for you, I was still walking! 299 00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:14,960 Shame! 300 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,800 You have no conscience, huh? 301 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,200 You made us feel sorry for a moped all this time! 302 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:26,120 Not to mention that you forced grandfather to deprive yourself of all your savings 303 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:29,000 and to go walking, as you say! 304 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,240 What... Are you going to slap her? 305 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:36,440 There's no risk of disfiguring it anyway, this... baboon! 306 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:41,760 Grandpa! Don't make me beat you! Grandma is bad! Protect me! 307 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:46,800 Come here, my little one. I'll protect you! 308 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,720 I'm still not used to seeing her like this. 309 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:54,000 Few stories! You come with me now! 310 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,120 Where are you taking her? 311 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:58,520 The door... 312 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,320 to the kennel, hopefully. 313 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:04,960 [phone rings] 314 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:06,960 Ready? 315 00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:08,960 - [man] Puppet House? - No, Fantozzi. 316 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,240 It's the Two Wheeler dealership. Is Uga there? 317 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,880 No, there isn't, but I'm the grandfather. Can you tell me? 318 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,840 - [Pina] Is this it? - [Uga] Yes. 319 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,680 Let's go. Push! 320 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,920 [man] We need the extremes for the invoice 321 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,680 of a red Phantom scooter purchased by his granddaughter 322 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,880 for three million and 650 plus VAT. 323 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,280 Ah! Excuse me! 324 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,920 [man] Hello? Puppets? 325 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:49,480 [Fantozzi] The scooter! 326 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,240 There he is! My mom... 327 00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:09,960 She burned my car and I'll burn her scooter! 328 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:12,360 An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth! 329 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,160 [Pina] No! Ugo! No! 330 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,000 Ugo, no! Stop! 331 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:20,920 We returned the scooter! Look, there's the check! 332 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,880 As? Oh, mother... The scooter... 333 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:32,800 Oh, mom... 334 00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:36,200 But then, I burned whose motorbike? 335 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,120 You burned my scooter! 336 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:44,800 Oh, is it yours? Well! I mean, then... 337 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,680 Let's do this: I give you the check, 338 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:50,760 see you... in 15 years 339 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,680 and everything is fine. Until we meet again! I'm leaving. 340 00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:58,160 "Goodbye" a handjob! How do I make deliveries today? 341 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,160 [radio] There's a delivery outside the ring road. Do you take it? 342 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:02,880 No problem! 343 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:07,480 As? Look at that on the ring road it's at least 42 kilometers. 344 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,440 Do I give up? That's double fare! 345 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,240 Give me the address! 346 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,720 Go! Go! 347 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:21,200 Like every year, Fantozzi had gone to USL 348 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,640 for the usual spring check up. 349 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,400 La Pina was waiting for it anxious to return, 350 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,920 worried for certain hot flashes of her husband. 351 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,400 Look here. I'm fine, you're the usual alarmist. 352 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,800 Be good... I went to the USL doctor. 353 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:40,120 He said mine it's a simple problem... 354 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,120 climacteric, understand? Here it is. 355 00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:46,000 I got this that we can put or in the bedroom 356 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:50,480 or during the day we attack it here. Did you understand? 357 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:55,840 So they ended all the hot flashes, happy? 358 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,160 Look, Ugo... 359 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,880 Maybe you confused the climacteric... 360 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,160 with air conditioning. 361 00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:10,400 But then I got the wrong brand! I'll get it changed right away, eh. Safe. 362 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:11,680 No, look... 363 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:16,120 The climacteric is like a physical crisis that comes with age. 364 00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:18,280 It is synonymous with andropause. 365 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,480 We women have menopause... 366 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:27,200 and you... andropause. 367 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:28,320 That? 368 00:26:30,120 --> 00:26:33,760 So... I went in... 369 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:35,720 in menopause. 370 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:42,160 Awareness of his state accentuated and multiplied its symptoms, 371 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,120 causing him, in order, 372 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,560 hot flashes from 3,000 degrees Fahrenheit, 373 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:53,360 memory lapses. 374 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,200 I have it here, on the tip of my tongue. 375 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,000 Good morning, Mr. Fantozzi. 376 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,600 Ah! Here I am! 377 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:06,560 ...and mood swings. 378 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,160 Happiness here it is! It's a glass of wine... 379 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:19,520 Ah! Happiness is a glass of wine... 380 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:27,280 Ah! Happiness is a glass of wine! Here I am! 381 00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:31,760 Fantozzi saw concentrated all the symptoms of the climacteric 382 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:36,400 in what he considered his former pleasure equipment. 383 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,840 [tv] You have problems, 384 00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,280 you have big problems. 385 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:48,520 You are depressed. 386 00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:54,120 You have difficulty with the opposite sex, enormous difficulties. 387 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:58,800 Do you want to exit the tunnel? Look... reality in the face. 388 00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:02,800 But... Well... 389 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:04,960 Face... 390 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,560 [tv] Call now the number you see here... 391 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:09,360 in culimpression. 392 00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:11,880 Culimpression? 393 00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:15,800 [tv] We'll get in touch with you with some hot girls 394 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:21,520 that they will rekindle the male in you. 395 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:26,680 That television offer seemed to Fantozzi like an unexpected lifeline. 396 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,360 He clung to it without hesitation, 397 00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:32,600 feeling protected from the nocturnal clandestinity 398 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:34,400 and from anonymity. 399 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:38,680 [tv] We're just waiting for your phone call. 400 00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,720 [tv] Call us, please. 401 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,640 - [tv] Well? - Um, sorry, I didn't mean to. 402 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:49,800 Zero, six, six, seven, four... 403 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:57,920 [free line] 404 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:02,720 [phone] Hi, you called the hottest line of the night, 405 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,680 this is just a record... 406 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:06,560 Like a record? 407 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:10,200 [phone] ...but we'll connect you soon with the women of your dreams, 408 00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:13,840 Hot females, willing to do anything... - Pina, sorry. 409 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:17,720 ...and ready to awaken your most depraved desires. 410 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:22,920 [phone] You are about to begin a journey in the most refined eroticism. 411 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:27,480 - [phone] Are you ready? - I'm very ready! 412 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:32,200 [telephone] If you are under 18, you cannot use this service. 413 00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:36,800 No, look... Even if I don't show them, I have all the... 414 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:39,560 Look, here it is. 415 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:42,160 [telephone] By law, 416 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:47,400 we remind you that this phone call it costs 6,840 lire plus VAT per minute. 417 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,440 Huh? Oh, my God... 418 00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:54,120 Then Fantozzi imposed himself of insurmountable spending limits 419 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,680 and organized itself accordingly. 420 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:58,840 All this time... impressive! 421 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,960 [phone] It's still a record that speaks to you, you have to have a few moments of patience 422 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,880 and you can talk with our magnificent girls, 423 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,200 who are just waiting for your call. 424 00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:11,640 [telephone] Don't hang up, you will lose the priority achieved. 425 00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:16,160 He had already fallen in the infernal trap of the chat line. 426 00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:21,880 At two in the morning, he had already spent two million and 780,000 lire plus VAT 427 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,960 to just talk to a record. 428 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:27,800 [telephone] Here, your wait has been rewarded: 429 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:31,600 we will propose to you five magnificent erotic preys 430 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,720 and you will have to choose the one that excites you the most 431 00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:38,160 by typing the corresponding number on the keyboard. 432 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:42,160 One: Vanda, the female bird of prey. 433 00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:48,480 Two: Ilona, ​​the busty one. 434 00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,880 Three: Sùchia, insatiable water drainer. 435 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,640 Four: Mandingo, the black stallion. 436 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:07,600 Cinque: Manòla, the wheelbarrow. 437 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:18,640 [phone] Now you have ten seconds to make your choice. 438 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:30,120 [phone] I know, it's hard to choose among these five fantastic proposals. 439 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,560 Okay, one at random, I'll do it. 440 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,200 [man on the phone] I'm Mandingo! 441 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,640 [phone] It's always your dear record that speaks to you. 442 00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:48,480 [phone] This time, you have successfully completed the procedure. 443 00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:55,160 Ready! 444 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,240 [telephone] Soon you will talk to Olderìca, no hair on... 445 00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:00,360 On the? 446 00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:03,800 [phone] ...language. Here is his cell phone number. 447 00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,240 Yes! Tell me! 448 00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:07,800 [phone] Do you have a pen and paper? 449 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,680 [phone] Are you ready? Be careful. 450 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:14,400 I'm looking for it! 451 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:16,680 [telephone] The number is top secret. 452 00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:18,200 Moment! 453 00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:20,360 [telephone] The secret number is... 454 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:25,440 Look, I write it in blood! Ouch! 455 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:28,000 Zero, three... 456 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:30,240 With blood... 457 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:32,680 This damned pen doesn't write! 458 00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:38,400 Come on... One, four, two, six, one, four, nine. 459 00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:44,520 I speak with Orderìca, the one who has no hair... [laughs] 460 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:50,320 [free line] 461 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,800 Free! I'm speaking live! 462 00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:56,000 I'm speaking live now! [laughs] 463 00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,800 I'm speaking live! 464 00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:03,880 [phone] Here I am, little pig. 465 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:08,680 [telephone] I'm Ulla, who entertains you live. 466 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,200 [phone] What do you want to start with? 467 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:13,720 I? 468 00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:19,480 I would put it... I would make a structure, I would build something that... 469 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,120 - Ugo! - Huh? 470 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:22,520 Who is? 471 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,400 Who are you calling at this hour? 472 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:27,400 Ready? Ready! 473 00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,120 The line went dead. 474 00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:31,400 I lost the line. 475 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:34,800 But holy shit! Possible? 476 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:37,160 In the morning you are always hibernating like a dormouse. 477 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:40,840 - This morning, tac! Here it is. - Are you okay, Ugo? 478 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:42,760 I was fine. 479 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:44,400 I was about to fuck... 480 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:50,760 No! I was about to find out a very interesting telephone service. 481 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,160 What service is it, Ugo? 482 00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:55,280 It's a service... 483 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,120 [tv] It's eight o'clock, little pigs. 484 00:33:58,120 --> 00:33:59,880 It's the Exact Time! 485 00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:03,280 There's never a fucking clock that works in this house. 486 00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:07,000 Then I'm forced... 487 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:12,720 to set the clock with the Exact Time, here. 488 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:14,640 I understand, Ugo. 489 00:34:14,720 --> 00:34:17,600 There's nothing to worry about, on the contrary! 490 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:21,800 Her husband found it unconsciously the solution to your problems: 491 00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:27,160 transform into the surrogate of his instrument of pleasure... this. 492 00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:34,640 But won't it hurt him, doctor? He was up all night. 493 00:34:34,720 --> 00:34:38,360 He'll be fine. There is no other way out, believe me. 494 00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,000 In certain cases, 495 00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,960 depression caused by andropause causes a descending parabola 496 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:45,640 which can become dangerous. 497 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,600 After all, he cheats on her with a cornet. 498 00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:55,560 The best thing, lady, is to indulge him in secret. 499 00:34:55,640 --> 00:35:00,200 [phone] Hi, you called the hottest line of the night. 500 00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:01,560 For the following nights, 501 00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:04,840 Fantozzi equipped himself like a true ether professional, 502 00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:09,480 but despite everything, when the first bill arrives, 503 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:13,160 he hadn't been able to do it yet just one live phone call. 504 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:16,840 [Pina] Forty-three million? 505 00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:22,400 Forty-three million? 506 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:33,200 What are you doing there on the ground? Did you drop something? 507 00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,320 Nothing, Ugo. I just slipped. 508 00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:40,520 - What's that? - Nothing... It's the telephone bill. 509 00:35:41,240 --> 00:35:43,720 This two-month period is a bit expensive. 510 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:46,560 I believe it! 511 00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:49,720 Always there, blah blah blah, talking bullshit on the phone! 512 00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,960 Then the hundreds of thousand lire are thrown away! 513 00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:55,120 Blah blah blah! Look I'll put the lock on your phone! 514 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,160 I'll lock your phone! 515 00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:00,000 You're right, Ugo. I'll be more careful about it. 516 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:06,000 [woman] This bill is a mystery! 517 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:08,720 - Excuse me. Good morning. - Good morning, tell me. 518 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,920 We received this bill. 519 00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:14,640 It is true that lately, for professional reasons, 520 00:36:14,720 --> 00:36:19,480 my husband used the phone a lot, but it seems exaggerated to us. 521 00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,520 Ah, but she's the wife of another pipparolo! 522 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:27,400 How dare you? My husband is an accountant, rag. Fantozzi Ugo. 523 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:31,320 Yes, whatever. However, for the wankers, it is counter number 13. 524 00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:39,720 - [Pina] Good morning, doctor. - Get in line like the others, come on. 525 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:41,600 Oh, yes. Certain. 526 00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:49,920 - [man 1] Your dermatologist's number? - [man 2] Write: 44, 78, 55, 718. 527 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:00,680 [bell rings] 528 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:02,160 Oh! The bill! 529 00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:10,360 Excuse me, are you the last one? 530 00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:11,800 [grunt] 531 00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:16,000 'This bill is regular. 532 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,400 The figure is high because they are all intercontinental calls. 533 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:23,800 Eh, these types of phone calls... [laughs] 534 00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:26,600 they go around the world: 535 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:29,480 Guatemala, Santo Domingo, 536 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,200 Australia, Lapland... 537 00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:34,440 Then it is certainly a mistake 538 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,960 because my husband doesn't speak languages, let alone the Lapp. 539 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:39,280 Hand! 540 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:44,760 This type of phone call goes to Lapland, then he was immediately sent to Italy 541 00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:49,800 and here some big sluts inside their house, with this type of cell phone, 542 00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:52,200 they entertain the puncher. 543 00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:53,520 I'm sorry, ma'am. 544 00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:57,320 If you can't pay your bill, we are forced to disconnect the phone from you. 545 00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:00,800 No, that would be a tragedy! 546 00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:04,400 The doctor said that for my husband... 547 00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:09,400 these phone calls they are vitally important. 548 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:12,800 Ma'am, we need money! 549 00:38:13,240 --> 00:38:14,400 [sigh] 550 00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:22,480 These ladies earn a lot... 551 00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:25,000 what are these gentlemen entertaining? 552 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:27,600 Nice numbers! 553 00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:32,800 Yes, my big man. You drive me crazy. 554 00:38:33,720 --> 00:38:38,440 I'm completely naked and I want to shower with you. 555 00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:47,000 I can't resist, I can't resist! 556 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,800 I want you. Yes, yes. 557 00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:55,200 More, more, yes, more. 558 00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:57,400 As? 559 00:38:57,880 --> 00:38:59,880 What does he want me to do? 560 00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:04,520 Wait a minute, eh! 561 00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:16,760 [phone] Attention, we are about to give you the ultra secret number 562 00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:19,160 of the cell phone of a magnificent prey. 563 00:39:19,240 --> 00:39:20,600 Who? Who is? 564 00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:22,280 [phone] Are you ready? 565 00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:24,400 Yes, I've been ready for months. 566 00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:27,800 Yes, it was beautiful for me too, better than all the other times. 567 00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:29,240 Bye, see you Thursday. 568 00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:32,800 I can't wait to go back to having fun with you. 569 00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:40,400 [cell phone rings] 570 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:41,520 Ready? 571 00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:45,800 Yes, you can give me another call. 572 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:49,400 Hi, I'm Gessica. 573 00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:53,120 I'm here to indulge your most secret desires. 574 00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:57,800 Yes! Live! I'm speaking alive! 575 00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,160 Live! 576 00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:06,960 Ready? 577 00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:10,280 Jessica? Tell me how you are. 578 00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:11,720 Tell me how you are! 579 00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:15,160 I'm mulatto, I have curly hair 580 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:18,000 and the eager mouth. 581 00:40:18,720 --> 00:40:20,920 The huge breasts... 582 00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:23,960 The ass? How do you have it? 583 00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,720 On mandolin. And how are you? What is your name? 584 00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,000 My name is Fa... er, no. 585 00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:34,400 My name is Palomo. 586 00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,360 I'm... skinny, 587 00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:42,720 I'm 28 years old 588 00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:45,480 and I have a beastly body! 589 00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:49,120 But above all, they are very... 590 00:40:49,720 --> 00:40:51,280 gifted. 591 00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:55,280 I was happy to meet you, Palomo, 592 00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:58,200 but maybe it's better if we leave each other. 593 00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:01,920 This conversation is very expensive. 594 00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,760 Who cares! [laughs] 595 00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:08,960 I am very rich! 596 00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:11,920 Even if you are rich, Palomo, 597 00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:15,000 what need is there to waste all this money 598 00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:16,880 with an erotic line? 599 00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:20,240 Don't have a wife? 600 00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:22,360 What? [laughs] 601 00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:23,640 Wife? 602 00:41:23,720 --> 00:41:26,360 A toilet! I live with a toilet! 603 00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:29,160 If you could see it! He has mousy hair, 604 00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:34,120 the foul breath, a sagging wrinkled lead-colored ass, 605 00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:37,400 but above all she has two breasts which look like two envelopes. 606 00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:40,280 No, worse! The ears of a cocker! 607 00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:42,440 Sorry, Gessica. It's not for you. 608 00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:43,960 It's for the toilet. 609 00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:48,240 Gessica, come on, let's begin. 610 00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,200 What do we start with? Wheelbarrow... 611 00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,000 or water pump, eh? 612 00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:56,440 Sorry, but I didn't understand. 613 00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:58,320 As? I say... 614 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:01,320 Wheelbarrow or water pump? 615 00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:05,240 Come on, Gessica. I'm excited as a mule! 616 00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:10,880 Palomo, between a man and a woman, it's not just sex. 617 00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:15,640 It's important also get to know each other, confide in each other... 618 00:42:15,720 --> 00:42:21,240 Getting to know each other? But what does it mean? I'm here, already wheeled away. 619 00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:24,360 I am your mule. Come on, come on! 620 00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:28,320 Palomo, I understand from the voice 621 00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:32,160 that you are a very sensitive man and that you have problems, 622 00:42:32,240 --> 00:42:36,920 so why don't you tell me a little about yourself? 623 00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:41,960 Fantozzi basically asked for nothing else. 624 00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:46,560 24 hours then passed without interruption 625 00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:52,360 telling her 60 years of failures abuse and humiliation... 626 00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:56,440 and discovered that that anonymous voice understood him 627 00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:59,600 like it had never happened to him in his life. 628 00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:03,560 Palomo, 629 00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:06,880 talking to you was wonderful. 630 00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:09,160 Gessica, I... 631 00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:13,840 I can't live without you anymore. 632 00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:17,600 I would really like to meet you. 633 00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:21,600 And when I see you in front of me, I would look you in the eyes 634 00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:23,240 and in a low voice, 635 00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:25,960 I would tell you that I... 636 00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:30,640 Pina, what the fuck do you want here, huh? Always a pain in the ass! 637 00:43:30,720 --> 00:43:32,720 Can't you see I'm calling? 638 00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:35,200 It's a business call. 639 00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:38,200 Go! Out, I say! 640 00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:43,280 Sorry, love. 641 00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:45,960 It was my bitch wife. 642 00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:53,280 But now I absolutely owe you meet, I want to meet you. 643 00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:57,160 The rules of the chat line are mandatory: we can't meet customers. 644 00:43:57,240 --> 00:44:01,000 Here, I will look for you and I will find you everywhere. 645 00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,920 No! Ours is an impossible love! 646 00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:15,640 But Fantozzi did not give up 647 00:44:15,720 --> 00:44:19,440 and equipped with equipment low-cost interception, 648 00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:22,680 tried to reconstruct the route of the telephone signal 649 00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:24,760 to get to Gessica. 650 00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:28,480 [Fantozzi] Go, go! 651 00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:30,280 Gessica, here I am! 652 00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:34,120 [sporadic beeps from interceptor] 653 00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:39,520 My goodness, it's cold here! Turn left, go back down! 654 00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:45,840 Gessica, here I am. I'm close now! 655 00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:48,360 [closer beeps from interceptor] 656 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:54,120 - [man] Good morning, man. Puppets. - Good morning. Here we are. 657 00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:57,160 - How much do I owe her? - [taxi driver] Six million and 300,000. 658 00:44:57,160 --> 00:44:59,000 Oh well, keep the change! 659 00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:02,520 Here we are, here we are! 660 00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:04,640 [close beeps from interceptor] 661 00:45:04,720 --> 00:45:08,120 Oh yes! We are close! Here we are. 662 00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:10,960 Here we are! Yes, here it is. 663 00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:15,000 [very close beeps from the interceptor] 664 00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:22,400 But what? It's my house! 665 00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:27,760 [Pina] Yes, yes, yes, yes. 666 00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:32,640 [Pina] Yes, yes, yes, yes. 667 00:45:32,720 --> 00:45:35,400 [Pina] Yes, yes, yes. 668 00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:41,400 Yes, squeeze it all... 669 00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:43,800 your Gessica. 670 00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:44,920 As? 671 00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:47,880 Oh, wait a minute. 672 00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:58,320 "Like a scepter before me, your huge cock..." 673 00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:04,560 It was great, I can't wait to go back to enjoying with you. HI! 674 00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:10,880 Ready? Mr. Boss? 675 00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:14,680 Excuse me, I wanted to know if I can take those extra shifts. 676 00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:17,800 Yes, I will try to improve. 677 00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:21,960 Please, Mr. Boss. I have to pay my husband's debts! 678 00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:25,000 I can do it. 679 00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:27,280 Thank you. 680 00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:30,680 I can't do it. 681 00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:33,120 [door closing] 682 00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:03,240 [cell phone rings] 683 00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:05,640 Ready? 684 00:47:05,720 --> 00:47:08,320 Ready? I'm Palomo. 685 00:47:08,720 --> 00:47:09,800 Jessica, 686 00:47:10,240 --> 00:47:12,800 maybe the time has come 687 00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:16,760 to close permanently our beautiful telephone story. 688 00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:20,760 Yes I know. It was a moment of great happiness, I recognize it, 689 00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:24,240 but maybe the time has come also unplug it 690 00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:26,960 because shot after shot, I realised 691 00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,880 to have by my side an extraordinary woman. 692 00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:32,240 Yes, I told you about her. 693 00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:35,160 I told you physically leaves a little to be desired, 694 00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:37,640 who has two breasts like two envelopes, 695 00:47:37,720 --> 00:47:40,360 flaccid butts and foul breath. 696 00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:43,280 But be careful, those aren't the things that matter. 697 00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:46,360 Many other values count and she has them all. 698 00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:49,560 I'm sorry to have to tell you this and having to cause yourself pain, 699 00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:52,240 but I love her very much. 700 00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:53,600 Goodbye. 701 00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:05,880 Sorry, Pina, I rang you, but I forgot the keys there... 702 00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:15,600 Ugo, can I tell you something? 703 00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:16,880 Yes. 704 00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:20,280 I respect you very much. 705 00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:22,240 Thank you. 706 00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:29,400 [cell phone rings] 707 00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:34,600 Ready? 708 00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:38,000 Listen up, wanker! 709 00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:41,160 Look, in that place, 710 00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:43,720 put it on your sister! 711 00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:44,920 No, Ugo! 712 00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:52,240 Now how are we going to pay the bill? 713 00:48:53,360 --> 00:48:56,360 Pina, from this moment on you will no longer have to take... 714 00:48:56,440 --> 00:48:58,640 um, you won't have to humiliate yourself anymore. 715 00:48:58,720 --> 00:49:02,400 Because at home, at your side, there is a man! 716 00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:09,240 [cell phone rings] 717 00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,240 Ready? Who is at this... 718 00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:13,160 Ah, yes... 719 00:49:13,240 --> 00:49:14,680 Are you calling from Rome? 720 00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:18,800 Look, I'm your Virgil, 721 00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:22,760 I'll... take it in my backside. 722 00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:25,800 Yes. How do you want me to wear it? 723 00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:27,880 Alright. Wait, huh! 724 00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:30,680 Sorry, Pina. It's work, try to understand. 725 00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:33,200 Two more weeks and we're done. 726 00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:35,920 Yes? Alright, I'll go. 727 00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:38,400 As? No, like this? 728 00:49:38,520 --> 00:49:39,520 So... 729 00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:42,000 Okay. But like this, really? 730 00:49:46,720 --> 00:49:47,960 Do you understand, doctor? 731 00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:52,120 For me, that basically I have always been a very beautiful woman, 732 00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:55,760 it's unbearable recognize the first signs of the times. 733 00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:59,640 Doctor, this operation is for me it's a matter of life and death. 734 00:49:59,960 --> 00:50:02,680 It must be done immediately at any cost, please! 735 00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:11,000 At that time? 736 00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:13,000 The work is there. 737 00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:16,880 But today plastic surgery can work miracles. 738 00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:20,600 So can you do this to me? 739 00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:27,240 This is the best! It's a total renovation! 740 00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:28,520 In what sense? 741 00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:31,440 It's like a house, right? 742 00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:34,440 Consider that you are a ruin... 743 00:50:34,720 --> 00:50:38,000 that everything needs to be thrown away and rebuilt from scratch [laughs]. 744 00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:39,920 Ruin, huh? 745 00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:42,120 But how much does it cost? 746 00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:45,480 How much does it cost? Here we are traveling at 100. 747 00:50:46,400 --> 00:50:46,960 What? 748 00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:48,560 Pippi. 749 00:50:49,800 --> 00:50:50,560 Damn... 750 00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:52,800 Who has 100 million? 751 00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:54,920 Why? How much did you want to spend, excuse me? 752 00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:57,800 Well, three, four, five million! 753 00:50:57,880 --> 00:50:59,120 Five million? 754 00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:01,560 With five million I can make her a little romance, 755 00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:03,640 a refresher here and there. 756 00:51:03,720 --> 00:51:06,320 From a certain distance, it looks great too! 757 00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:16,160 Okay, let's have this little romance, but I pay him in installments. 758 00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:19,960 Impossible. He asks me to break up a professional ethic. 759 00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:23,440 We plastic surgeons, the money, we want it all immediately. 760 00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:26,120 But I don't have them five million all together! 761 00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:29,520 Ma'am, five million are found. He will have a friend, a relative... 762 00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:30,800 an admirer? 763 00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:35,160 Doctor, you think that if I had an admirer, 764 00:51:35,240 --> 00:51:37,840 Would I stay here and have this romance? 765 00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:42,400 A former admirer? Nothing? 766 00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:50,960 Red is theirs! Filini, you better fail. Bocci! 767 00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:52,680 - Boccio? - Bocci! 768 00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:55,800 No, wait! I'll direct it. 769 00:51:56,440 --> 00:51:57,800 Over there. 770 00:51:58,120 --> 00:51:59,800 - Bocci! - Boccio! 771 00:51:59,920 --> 00:52:01,400 Go! 772 00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:04,920 [passerby] Ouch! 773 00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:08,200 - [man 1] It hurt him. - [man 2] It hit him full on! 774 00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:09,880 Moment... What's happening? 775 00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:13,800 - Did I make the point? - Well, in short, three points... 776 00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:15,720 of sutures, they are needed. 777 00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:17,360 - So I fail? - Wait! 778 00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:21,160 Everyone go! He fails! 779 00:52:21,240 --> 00:52:24,120 [indistinct screams] 780 00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:26,160 Go! 781 00:52:26,240 --> 00:52:28,480 - Boccio? - Bocci! 782 00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:35,000 Accountant? Accountant? 783 00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:38,840 - Puppet? - Who is? 784 00:52:38,920 --> 00:52:42,480 Puppet? 785 00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:44,200 Miss, you see... 786 00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:47,280 I'm honestly embarrassed 787 00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:52,800 because the five million you ask me for his aunt's kidney transplant 788 00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:54,880 I don't have them at the moment. 789 00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:58,680 Then, believe me, I wouldn't even know where to find them. 790 00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:00,720 Come on, Little Puppet... 791 00:53:01,440 --> 00:53:02,880 Don't disappoint me. 792 00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:06,440 After everything that happened between us! 793 00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:09,200 Yes, miss, you are right. 794 00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:12,880 I recognize that for her I had a great transport. 795 00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:14,800 - For many years. - I know. 796 00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:18,240 Now I'm sorry to have to tell you, 797 00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:22,960 but at this moment sentimentally I am completely satisfied. 798 00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:25,280 A miracle happened to me! 799 00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:28,360 I fell in love with my wife again. 800 00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:30,240 All the same, you men. 801 00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:31,960 Before, he drooled over me. 802 00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:35,280 Then, after that time in Cortina he fucked me instead... 803 00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:37,240 - What did he say? - Fucked! 804 00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:39,560 Excuse me, turn around, right? 805 00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:41,560 Now everyone there to listen? 806 00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:47,440 Sorry, but it was only once, it was just a fleeting relationship, 807 00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:51,640 then we are no longer there... in short, he understood... meet. 808 00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:56,160 Then honestly it was one thing without any consequences. 809 00:53:56,160 --> 00:53:57,160 For her! 810 00:53:57,240 --> 00:53:59,360 I certainly had consequences! 811 00:54:00,640 --> 00:54:01,760 Look! 812 00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:04,120 I went blind! No! 813 00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:06,000 - Do you see this? - Yes. 814 00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:07,360 Well, in here... 815 00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:08,960 there's his son! [cries] 816 00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:11,800 As? My son? 817 00:54:12,520 --> 00:54:13,800 Miss... 818 00:54:14,960 --> 00:54:17,520 Excuse me, but with this revelation 819 00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:19,360 she completely blew me away. 820 00:54:20,400 --> 00:54:23,760 But don't talk to me as if I had jumped on her, 821 00:54:23,840 --> 00:54:25,800 as if I had raped her, 822 00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:28,000 shocked... shocked... 823 00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:29,560 er... unplugged. 824 00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:32,960 - What the fuck are you talking about? - Italian is a cursed language. 825 00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:37,160 In short, miss, Let's do some math. 826 00:54:37,240 --> 00:54:39,960 If you think about it, they've at least passed... 827 00:54:40,400 --> 00:54:43,320 well, at least almost three years, eh! 828 00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:44,640 It's his fault! 829 00:54:44,720 --> 00:54:47,160 Yes, because you are slow and there is the slow seed. 830 00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:49,520 - The slow seed? - It takes longer! 831 00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:52,720 - Listen, please! - Anyway, that's not the point. 832 00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:56,320 I am a civilized, emancipated woman 833 00:54:56,400 --> 00:54:58,440 and I want to take this responsibility away from her. 834 00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:01,160 All you have to do is bring five pippi 835 00:55:01,240 --> 00:55:03,960 and then he and I will disappear forever from his life. 836 00:55:04,400 --> 00:55:05,440 Who are these "pippi"? 837 00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:08,640 Pippi... millions! Five, eh! 838 00:55:08,720 --> 00:55:10,720 Oh, okay... 839 00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:13,400 It means I'll try to find them for him. 840 00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:17,280 Then we'll meet here tomorrow, same time, but with money in your mouth! 841 00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:18,880 In your mouth! 842 00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:36,960 Damn yours! Where the fuck are you looking? Damn... 843 00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:39,160 I'm dressed... 844 00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:44,120 This maternity leave is on loan. Now how do I do it? 845 00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:46,600 - Fuck you! - Do you see this? 846 00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:48,640 - You too! - [man] Ouch, lady? 847 00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:53,720 But what's wrong with you, Ugo? 848 00:55:53,840 --> 00:55:55,360 Not eating? 849 00:55:56,160 --> 00:55:57,520 I have problems. 850 00:55:57,600 --> 00:55:59,400 [tv] The Father King, twentieth episode. 851 00:55:59,480 --> 00:56:01,320 Uh, look! 852 00:56:01,560 --> 00:56:03,360 They make the twentieth episode 853 00:56:03,440 --> 00:56:06,600 of a historical drama very interesting! 854 00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:08,400 Look, Ugo! 855 00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:11,520 [tv] This, oh my people, it is blood of my blood, 856 00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:13,360 the seed of my seed, 857 00:56:13,440 --> 00:56:15,640 my only male offspring 858 00:56:15,720 --> 00:56:18,480 who will perpetuate my lineage and my glory. 859 00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:19,400 But! 860 00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:22,640 It would be nice have a son. 861 00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:26,280 We're too old now, we can't have any more. 862 00:56:26,920 --> 00:56:29,440 What do you say? You can't have any more! 863 00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:30,720 I do. 864 00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:32,120 But Ugo... 865 00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:35,480 Then if this old man made it, with that helpless face... 866 00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:38,200 Yes, but that's fiction. 867 00:56:38,280 --> 00:56:41,320 [tv] ...by my side, for the difficult paths of life. 868 00:56:41,400 --> 00:56:43,720 [tv] Fear will be unknown to you 869 00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:46,000 and friend the courage of a lion. 870 00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:48,960 [tv] For this reason, now I call you Riccardo, 871 00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:52,360 Richard II, Lionheart! 872 00:56:56,840 --> 00:56:59,480 Ready, doctor! I'm Miss Silvani. 873 00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:03,800 - I found the money. Get everything ready! - [Fantozzi] Miss Silvani! 874 00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:05,320 Sorry, doctor! 875 00:57:05,400 --> 00:57:09,120 - I have to give you some good news! - Where the fuck is he? Damn... 876 00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:11,840 Miss! Here it is! 877 00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:12,880 Listen... 878 00:57:12,960 --> 00:57:15,160 - Is he male? - Who? The cover... 879 00:57:15,160 --> 00:57:18,320 Well, of course it's male! Can't you see I have a pointed belly? 880 00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:20,920 Miss, I have to tell you some great news! 881 00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:22,480 I thought a lot. 882 00:57:22,960 --> 00:57:25,200 I decided to recognize the child. 883 00:57:26,400 --> 00:57:27,120 But how? 884 00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:31,160 We agreed that he would give me the five pippi and I... 885 00:57:31,160 --> 00:57:35,240 No! Miss, you won't have to run away anymore, he will no longer have to hide. 886 00:57:35,440 --> 00:57:37,800 - I also thought about the name. - Oh, yes? 887 00:57:37,880 --> 00:57:41,240 I will call him Hugh II, Lionheart. 888 00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:42,840 Are you fucking me? 889 00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:44,640 - Meaning what? -Nothing, another name. 890 00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:47,240 The important thing is that she gives me peeps. 891 00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:51,520 No, miss. The money, she won't even have to touch him anymore. 892 00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:54,760 I'll take care of everything, I will treat her like a queen. Come! 893 00:57:54,840 --> 00:57:58,640 - Let's talk about it, I don't want... - Come, I tell you! Don't make an effort! 894 00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:00,720 [loud metallic noise] 895 00:58:01,640 --> 00:58:03,680 Was it... him? 896 00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:06,000 Well yes. He has iron health! 897 00:58:06,800 --> 00:58:07,560 [metallic noises] 898 00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:13,440 But look... I'm stuck in a dead end. 899 00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:15,720 Now how do I get money out of this? 900 00:58:38,160 --> 00:58:39,360 What is this stuff? 901 00:58:39,440 --> 00:58:42,640 Welcome, miss... indeed, Mrs. Silvani. 902 00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:46,240 These toys are a shy homage to my son, to my offspring, 903 00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:48,560 Hugh II, Lionheart. 904 00:58:48,640 --> 00:58:50,680 - Beautiful! - But how... 905 00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:52,440 What a strange shape... 906 00:58:52,520 --> 00:58:53,440 Of what? 907 00:58:53,520 --> 00:58:57,520 Ma'am, can you hear your little heart? 908 00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:00,760 - My? - No, my son's. 909 00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:04,600 - Why? Can you hear it? - Of course you can hear it! 910 00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:07,440 - The little heart... - Yes, let me hear it, please. 911 00:59:07,520 --> 00:59:08,960 Let me hear it! 912 00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:10,720 The little heart... 913 00:59:10,960 --> 00:59:15,480 The little heart now we'll let daddy hear it! 914 00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:19,120 Your baby's little heart! 915 00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:22,600 - Little boy, the little heart is here! - Where? 916 00:59:22,680 --> 00:59:25,360 Here. Listen, Little Boy! 917 00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:27,160 [ticking] 918 00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:28,360 How regular! 919 00:59:28,440 --> 00:59:29,800 It looks like a clock. 920 00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:31,760 [alarm clock] 921 00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:35,160 But how? 922 00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:37,520 Um... ready? 923 00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:39,440 No, he got the wrong number. 924 00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:41,720 They got the wrong number. 925 00:59:42,320 --> 00:59:45,400 Please, please. Give me at least 48 hours! 926 00:59:45,480 --> 00:59:48,320 Please, 48 hours! 927 00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:50,520 He has to leave me! 928 00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:54,760 - Come on! I'm leaving for Rimini! - As for Rimini? 929 00:59:54,840 --> 00:59:57,120 I go there for the season. I work there in the summer. 930 00:59:57,120 --> 00:59:59,160 Keep the number of the nursing home. 931 00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:01,920 When he found the cash, Come back, okay? 932 01:00:02,000 --> 01:00:03,520 With pippi? 933 01:00:03,680 --> 01:00:06,600 - Always the Roman girl? - Eh, do it! 934 01:00:07,800 --> 01:00:09,400 Damn... 935 01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:13,400 Now I have to get his money too for the trip to Rimini. Ah... 936 01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:16,160 [phone rings] 937 01:00:16,440 --> 01:00:19,880 - Ready? Who's calling... - [telephone] I'm Miss Silvani. 938 01:00:19,960 --> 01:00:23,280 She's crazy to call me at home at this time. My wife is here, isn't she? 939 01:00:23,360 --> 01:00:26,760 But Fantozzi, I was forced to call her. 940 01:00:27,400 --> 01:00:30,880 Yes, I spoke to the doctor. 941 01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:37,600 There are serious problems for the child and I would like him to come here immediately. 942 01:00:37,680 --> 01:00:38,600 Right away! 943 01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:43,280 What problems does my son have? 944 01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:46,280 Huh? 945 01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:50,400 Nothing, I just spoke... with the gynecologist 946 01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:54,240 and he prescribed it to me to go for a while... to Rimini. 947 01:00:54,320 --> 01:00:56,400 In Rimini? Why Rimini? 948 01:00:56,480 --> 01:00:57,920 Oh, why... 949 01:00:58,000 --> 01:00:59,160 I don't know, me! 950 01:00:59,160 --> 01:01:02,560 Like why? He did some tests on me... 951 01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:06,720 and the child has a serious deficiency of mucilage. 952 01:01:08,200 --> 01:01:10,920 I can't come to Rimini because I have my wife. 953 01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,480 No, you don't have to come, you just have to unstitch! 954 01:01:13,560 --> 01:01:16,320 I've done the math. 955 01:01:16,400 --> 01:01:19,680 We need... five pippi! [laughs] 956 01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:22,160 But his is a mania! 957 01:01:22,160 --> 01:01:24,920 Plus the travel! I can't walk! 958 01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:26,000 Oh well... 959 01:01:26,440 --> 01:01:28,520 A misfortune... 960 01:01:28,640 --> 01:01:31,800 I left the house suddenly and I didn't bring the pippi. 961 01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:36,120 It's okay! Just bring them to me in the morning at the station: platform seven to nine. 962 01:01:36,240 --> 01:01:39,920 With the pippi! Plus the travel! I can't go on foot. 963 01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:42,160 Madam, allow me... 964 01:01:42,400 --> 01:01:44,600 I want to hug him before departure. 965 01:01:44,680 --> 01:01:45,640 Do it! 966 01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:47,880 Hugh II, Lionheart... 967 01:01:47,960 --> 01:01:50,440 [police siren] 968 01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:52,680 Does he have eyes? But how? 969 01:01:52,760 --> 01:01:56,560 He wails! He lacks mucilage and it cries! 970 01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:12,280 The goofs... Here are the goofs. 971 01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:14,520 The pippi! 972 01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:18,240 Ugo, where are you going at this time? 973 01:02:18,320 --> 01:02:20,880 I... I'm nervous. I go out. 974 01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:24,360 I did really well to tell Mariangela that I wasn't going. 975 01:02:25,640 --> 01:02:26,640 "I was going"? 976 01:02:27,720 --> 01:02:29,960 Were you going where? 977 01:02:30,520 --> 01:02:34,840 Since Bongo at the last moment he could no longer accompany her on holiday, 978 01:02:34,920 --> 01:02:38,360 she wanted me to go to the seaside with her, for about ten days. 979 01:02:39,400 --> 01:02:43,000 Um... And you... what did you answer him? 980 01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:45,200 Relax! 981 01:02:45,280 --> 01:02:46,520 I told her no. 982 01:02:47,800 --> 01:02:49,120 Did you say no? 983 01:02:49,120 --> 01:02:53,000 I noticed that you were a little nervous, 984 01:02:53,560 --> 01:02:56,840 so I didn't feel like leaving you alone in your conditions. 985 01:02:56,920 --> 01:02:59,320 In my condition? 986 01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:02,320 But Pina, have you seen yourself? 987 01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:06,600 You're tired, pale, 988 01:03:06,680 --> 01:03:09,000 you suck... Yes, in short.... 989 01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:12,920 You absolutely need it of this holiday! 990 01:03:13,000 --> 01:03:17,480 It's too late now, 20 minutes left at the departure of the train. 991 01:03:17,560 --> 01:03:19,200 Twenty minutes? 992 01:03:19,760 --> 01:03:22,560 We have plenty of time! 993 01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:28,200 Pina! We will arrive with a monstrous advance, I tell you! 994 01:03:28,280 --> 01:03:30,000 An hour early! 995 01:03:31,920 --> 01:03:34,160 - Ugo! - Go! 996 01:03:34,680 --> 01:03:35,800 Go! 997 01:03:37,160 --> 01:03:38,800 Let's go to the beach! 998 01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:41,160 [out of breath] 999 01:03:41,160 --> 01:03:42,680 Come on, give me a hand! 1000 01:03:43,640 --> 01:03:44,760 Fast! 1001 01:03:45,320 --> 01:03:48,400 - At the station! - What are you doing? Ugo! 1002 01:03:48,480 --> 01:03:55,240 [continuous horn] 1003 01:03:55,320 --> 01:03:58,160 [policeman] Stop! Where you go? It's forbidden! 1004 01:03:58,280 --> 01:04:02,400 [continuous horn] 1005 01:04:12,360 --> 01:04:16,280 [policeman] Stop! Let me off! 1006 01:04:16,360 --> 01:04:19,600 Let's go, Pina! Come on, hurry! 1007 01:04:19,680 --> 01:04:22,640 Mariangela! You take! 1008 01:04:32,680 --> 01:04:34,560 Pina, where the hell are you? 1009 01:04:34,640 --> 01:04:36,920 It seems like the time to start playing? 1010 01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:38,880 - Come out! - Here I am! 1011 01:04:40,480 --> 01:04:41,880 Everything's ok, right? 1012 01:04:41,960 --> 01:04:44,120 Then don't write, don't call, 1013 01:04:44,120 --> 01:04:46,760 I'll show up in fifteen years. 1014 01:04:46,880 --> 01:04:48,160 Go! 1015 01:04:48,240 --> 01:04:49,840 - Where are you going? - Go! 1016 01:04:49,920 --> 01:04:54,000 [intercom] It's leaving platform 7 the direct Rome-Falconara Rimini. 1017 01:04:54,800 --> 01:04:59,360 [intercom] It's leaving platform 7 the direct Rome-Falconara Rimini. 1018 01:05:02,360 --> 01:05:05,280 Miss Silvani! Miss Silvani! 1019 01:05:05,400 --> 01:05:08,160 Excuse me, Miss Silvani! 1020 01:05:08,240 --> 01:05:11,320 - Did you bring me pippi? - Much more! [laughs] 1021 01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:14,280 [Fantozzi] Permission, sorry... 1022 01:05:14,360 --> 01:05:17,720 Miss, great news! I'm coming with her too! 1023 01:05:17,800 --> 01:05:20,000 - Damn... - How damn? 1024 01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:23,200 - Damn you! - Be careful, it's my little one! 1025 01:05:23,200 --> 01:05:26,840 - Is she happy? - Oh, indeed! But his wife? 1026 01:05:26,920 --> 01:05:31,680 A stroke of luck! I made her come up on the train that is leaving right in... 1027 01:05:33,640 --> 01:05:34,880 But I... 1028 01:05:35,880 --> 01:05:37,280 ...at this moment. 1029 01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:39,800 Whoa! Excuse me! 1030 01:05:42,440 --> 01:05:44,000 Everything here is booked. 1031 01:05:44,800 --> 01:05:48,800 I'm going to get myself cleaned up, then I'll come back and we'll look for a place together! 1032 01:05:55,440 --> 01:05:58,120 Come, miss! Let's take it up a class! 1033 01:05:58,120 --> 01:06:00,320 Ugo II must only go in first gear! 1034 01:06:00,400 --> 01:06:03,480 Always throwing money away! 1035 01:06:03,560 --> 01:06:05,440 Come! 1036 01:06:06,720 --> 01:06:08,480 I'm coming! 1037 01:06:09,160 --> 01:06:11,840 What the hell am I making up? 1038 01:06:13,760 --> 01:06:16,880 - Miss, what are you doing? Come! - I'm coming, I'm coming! 1039 01:06:17,200 --> 01:06:18,360 Beautiful doors! 1040 01:06:18,440 --> 01:06:19,920 Come, follow me! 1041 01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:25,960 [screams] 1042 01:06:26,560 --> 01:06:29,560 Oh God! They closed my son! 1043 01:06:29,640 --> 01:06:33,520 Please, Puppets! Do something about it. Go call someone! 1044 01:06:34,120 --> 01:06:37,800 [screams] 1045 01:06:39,440 --> 01:06:43,120 Excuse me. I absolutely need it to talk to your gynecologist. 1046 01:06:43,200 --> 01:06:46,880 Let me make a phone call... One phone call! 1047 01:06:47,480 --> 01:06:49,400 Permit! Excuse me! 1048 01:06:49,720 --> 01:06:53,640 It's an excellence! It's an emergency... an emergency! 1049 01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:18,680 Doctor, due to a series of circumstances, 1050 01:07:18,760 --> 01:07:22,640 it wouldn't be possible that she would admit me to the clinic? 1051 01:07:22,720 --> 01:07:24,560 - How long does it take? - It's important! 1052 01:07:24,640 --> 01:07:28,520 Officially as a woman giving birth, then she does plastic surgery for me! 1053 01:07:28,600 --> 01:07:30,560 But fuck you! 1054 01:07:31,800 --> 01:07:34,400 Ah, you have professional secrecy, of course. 1055 01:07:38,800 --> 01:07:40,240 [Fantozzi] Um... eh... 1056 01:07:41,160 --> 01:07:42,400 The conductor? 1057 01:07:42,760 --> 01:07:47,200 Come, there's a friend of mine [kiss] in trouble. Follow me, come! 1058 01:07:49,440 --> 01:07:51,320 Ah, she's freed herself! 1059 01:07:51,400 --> 01:07:54,800 - Hey! - [Fantozzi] Go, it's no longer needed! 1060 01:07:54,880 --> 01:07:56,440 [Pina] This is all for us. 1061 01:07:57,160 --> 01:07:59,480 Wait for me, I'll go get my bags. 1062 01:09:09,360 --> 01:09:10,840 Hey! 1063 01:09:11,600 --> 01:09:12,880 Hey! 1064 01:09:16,240 --> 01:09:18,000 Hate! 1065 01:09:18,800 --> 01:09:21,960 Help, miss! I'm castrating myself! Give me a hand! 1066 01:09:22,400 --> 01:09:24,360 Two balls, though! 1067 01:09:27,320 --> 01:09:31,640 - Miss, what are you doing? - Leave it! Damn... 1068 01:09:31,720 --> 01:09:34,800 Tell me this! 1069 01:09:35,760 --> 01:09:38,480 I'll give you something more hygienic! 1070 01:09:42,360 --> 01:09:44,400 Ah! 1071 01:10:00,520 --> 01:10:02,760 Ugo! 1072 01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:05,880 What's happening, ma'am? 1073 01:10:06,280 --> 01:10:09,480 It seemed to me to see my husband come in. 1074 01:10:10,800 --> 01:10:14,400 - But you see, no one answers. - Step aside, please. 1075 01:10:20,520 --> 01:10:22,280 Do you see, ma'am? It's empty. 1076 01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:27,480 Sorry, I'm a little exhausted. 1077 01:10:27,560 --> 01:10:30,280 Today it seems to me to see my husband everywhere. 1078 01:10:31,920 --> 01:10:34,920 - Thank you, Mr. train conductor. - You're welcome. 1079 01:10:46,280 --> 01:10:48,280 Oh, good morning. 1080 01:10:49,520 --> 01:10:52,440 Congrats on the equipment. 1081 01:10:52,560 --> 01:10:54,960 Huge! One thing really... 1082 01:10:59,640 --> 01:11:03,600 - No, miss! Ouch! - In short, give me a break! 1083 01:11:04,800 --> 01:11:05,600 No, miss. 1084 01:11:05,840 --> 01:11:11,400 Smoking can cause serious harm the health of Hugh II. 1085 01:11:11,480 --> 01:11:13,920 What a drag with this Ugo II! 1086 01:11:14,440 --> 01:11:15,760 How much longer? 1087 01:11:15,840 --> 01:11:17,920 She's the one who does all the accounting... 1088 01:11:18,000 --> 01:11:20,280 of the sweet event. 1089 01:11:20,520 --> 01:11:22,960 No. How long until we get to Rimini? 1090 01:11:23,800 --> 01:11:25,320 Ah, wait, I'll take a look. 1091 01:11:26,280 --> 01:11:28,560 Yes, here we are. 1092 01:11:28,640 --> 01:11:30,640 Here we go, huh? 1093 01:11:30,720 --> 01:11:34,000 Phantoms! Here we are! [screams] 1094 01:11:34,800 --> 01:11:35,960 What's happening? 1095 01:11:36,400 --> 01:11:38,920 What's happening? The labor pains! [screams] 1096 01:11:39,000 --> 01:11:40,800 The labor pains? 1097 01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:42,480 Stay calm! 1098 01:11:42,560 --> 01:11:48,120 Look, until your water breaks, there's no rush. 1099 01:11:48,120 --> 01:11:51,160 How is there no rush? 1100 01:11:52,280 --> 01:11:53,680 What happened? 1101 01:11:53,760 --> 01:11:58,520 But how? My water broke! [screams] 1102 01:12:05,360 --> 01:12:08,680 - I am the child's father! - Little puppet, the pippi! 1103 01:12:09,800 --> 01:12:12,120 Don't worry, I am the father of the child! I pay for everything! 1104 01:12:12,120 --> 01:12:14,720 Yes, but I'm a single mother, not a kept woman. 1105 01:12:14,800 --> 01:12:20,840 If she pays, I'll be ashamed. Stay incognito, tell me the pippi! 1106 01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:23,320 Go to the nursery and wait for his son. [screams] 1107 01:12:23,680 --> 01:12:27,000 Okay, then I'll go to the nursery 1108 01:12:27,400 --> 01:12:29,280 and I await the arrival of Ugo II. 1109 01:12:41,000 --> 01:12:43,840 [baby crying] 1110 01:12:44,160 --> 01:12:47,800 He awaited the happy event for two days and two nights, 1111 01:12:47,880 --> 01:12:50,480 pacing nervously up and down. 1112 01:12:50,560 --> 01:12:54,400 For the love of tradition, he also started smoking. 1113 01:12:54,480 --> 01:13:00,680 After 148 kilometers and 5,000 cigarettes, he knew that everything had gone well 1114 01:13:00,760 --> 01:13:05,400 and that the mother was in room 222. 1115 01:13:11,920 --> 01:13:14,280 [toy rattle] 1116 01:13:18,640 --> 01:13:20,520 Sorry, I got the wrong room. 1117 01:13:20,600 --> 01:13:22,680 What the fuck! Don't you knock? 1118 01:13:23,920 --> 01:13:27,800 Um... forgive me... 1119 01:13:28,400 --> 01:13:32,600 Is it you, Miss Silvani? What happened? 1120 01:13:33,160 --> 01:13:35,360 She shrank like this... 1121 01:13:36,120 --> 01:13:39,320 after... giving birth? 1122 01:13:39,400 --> 01:13:41,520 Which birth? [laughs] 1123 01:13:41,600 --> 01:13:43,520 The birth of the imagination! 1124 01:13:43,600 --> 01:13:46,960 I made up a lot of balls. 1125 01:13:47,400 --> 01:13:50,520 I needed five million to become like this. 1126 01:13:51,400 --> 01:13:52,400 Two drops of water, right? 1127 01:13:55,280 --> 01:13:56,320 But... 1128 01:13:57,680 --> 01:14:00,240 Miss, you are so... 1129 01:14:01,280 --> 01:14:02,840 he made fun of me. 1130 01:14:02,920 --> 01:14:07,720 Ah, Fantò... The end justifies the means, right? 1131 01:14:07,800 --> 01:14:11,280 But... where is my Ugo II? 1132 01:14:11,360 --> 01:14:12,960 He's sitting on it! 1133 01:14:21,760 --> 01:14:23,960 Miss, can I tell you something? 1134 01:14:24,400 --> 01:14:26,840 Tell me, Fantò! 1135 01:14:28,680 --> 01:14:32,840 It was money spent... very well. 1136 01:14:32,920 --> 01:14:35,800 Look, she's just like that... 1137 01:14:37,480 --> 01:14:39,840 she's really beautiful. 1138 01:14:59,160 --> 01:15:00,280 Thank you. 1139 01:15:01,480 --> 01:15:04,200 Fantozzi, excuse me. 1140 01:15:05,440 --> 01:15:06,720 Go figure. 1141 01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:14,680 Miss, excuse me. Can I take him away with me? 1142 01:15:15,840 --> 01:15:16,640 Yes. 1143 01:15:30,680 --> 01:15:33,440 [man] Male, huh? Blessed is she. 1144 01:15:33,520 --> 01:15:36,000 I'm always very lucky. 1145 01:15:53,360 --> 01:15:55,680 Grandpa, what are you doing? Steal the pillow? 1146 01:15:58,440 --> 01:16:00,560 This is mine. 1147 01:16:12,600 --> 01:16:14,360 A rainy September day, 1148 01:16:14,440 --> 01:16:18,120 the sensational arrest of Duke Count Balabam, 1149 01:16:18,120 --> 01:16:20,160 president from the mega firm, 1150 01:16:20,240 --> 01:16:24,120 filled the first pages of all newspapers. 1151 01:16:26,320 --> 01:16:29,320 [journalist] Here at the Courthouse, there is great anticipation 1152 01:16:29,400 --> 01:16:31,720 for the first interrogation of the mega president 1153 01:16:31,800 --> 01:16:34,600 duke count great son of a bitch, grand cross thief, 1154 01:16:34,680 --> 01:16:37,760 Giovanni Maria Balabam, arrested on corruption charges. 1155 01:16:37,840 --> 01:16:41,280 A large group was also present of former employees of the mega firm 1156 01:16:41,360 --> 01:16:45,200 from whom we ask for testimony on this sensational trial. 1157 01:16:45,800 --> 01:16:48,560 Look, I can say which for me and for some colleagues... 1158 01:16:49,520 --> 01:16:52,400 It's definitely the best day of our life. 1159 01:16:52,480 --> 01:16:55,880 Because after 20 years of abuse and harassment, 1160 01:16:55,960 --> 01:16:58,280 they finally caught him with the sack in his hands. 1161 01:16:58,360 --> 01:17:00,280 - With our hands in the bag! - Exact! 1162 01:17:02,120 --> 01:17:03,880 They'll make him pay! 1163 01:17:04,240 --> 01:17:08,200 Let's see it coming the mega president in court. 1164 01:17:08,960 --> 01:17:12,800 [indistinct buzz] 1165 01:17:13,720 --> 01:17:18,240 - [Filini] Here he is, the scoundrel! - You spit on us, Filini! You spit on us! 1166 01:17:24,720 --> 01:17:28,960 The large corporate complex of which they are deservedly at the top 1167 01:17:29,800 --> 01:17:31,280 has more than 3,000 inferiors. 1168 01:17:31,360 --> 01:17:35,760 Who like me is at the height of the empyrean cannot be aware 1169 01:17:35,840 --> 01:17:39,920 of everything that happens in the various departments, pits, circles... 1170 01:17:40,160 --> 01:17:45,160 If there have been corruption phenomena, they happened without my knowledge 1171 01:17:45,160 --> 01:17:49,160 by some subordinate dishonest and unfaithful. 1172 01:17:49,240 --> 01:17:52,200 Now pass the blame on some poor wretch 1173 01:17:52,280 --> 01:17:54,000 to ruin it. 1174 01:17:55,400 --> 01:17:56,280 Silence, over there! 1175 01:18:00,760 --> 01:18:02,560 These are just theorems. 1176 01:18:02,920 --> 01:18:04,840 Give us some names! 1177 01:18:04,920 --> 01:18:07,960 State who acted culpably without his knowledge! 1178 01:18:09,440 --> 01:18:13,480 The most responsible is present in this room. 1179 01:18:13,560 --> 01:18:15,600 - [man] What? - [woman] How can this be? 1180 01:18:15,680 --> 01:18:17,240 [indistinct buzz] 1181 01:18:17,320 --> 01:18:19,560 His name is... 1182 01:18:21,760 --> 01:18:24,160 His name is... 1183 01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:27,000 His name is... 1184 01:18:28,680 --> 01:18:31,560 accountant Ugo Fantocci! 1185 01:18:31,640 --> 01:18:33,520 [Fantozzi] Oh, no! [falls] 1186 01:18:33,600 --> 01:18:35,560 [Filini] Permission! 1187 01:18:35,840 --> 01:18:39,160 Rag. Fantozzi, is he sleeping? They called her! 1188 01:18:39,320 --> 01:18:41,760 Come on, stand up! Get up! 1189 01:18:42,840 --> 01:18:46,440 To avoid danger of evidence pollution, 1190 01:18:46,520 --> 01:18:51,200 Fantozzi was immediately subjected under preventive detention regime 1191 01:18:51,280 --> 01:18:54,560 in the fifth arm, bribe-takers. 1192 01:18:54,680 --> 01:18:57,120 [man] ...when one has a clear conscience. 1193 01:18:57,200 --> 01:19:01,600 - [man 2] Eminence, still acidity? - In the Vatican prisons the food is better. 1194 01:19:01,680 --> 01:19:05,960 He was questioned under the lamp of the third degree for four months. 1195 01:19:06,160 --> 01:19:10,120 Then he passed the sophisticated investigations of the lie detector. 1196 01:19:10,680 --> 01:19:12,160 - [mechanical voice] Speak. - Ouch! 1197 01:19:12,280 --> 01:19:14,320 - [mechanical voice] Speak. - Ouch! 1198 01:19:14,520 --> 01:19:16,400 - [mechanical voice] Speak. - Ouch! 1199 01:19:16,480 --> 01:19:17,600 [mechanical voice] Speak! 1200 01:19:18,160 --> 01:19:21,000 He also faked it grimly a hunger strike... 1201 01:19:40,960 --> 01:19:44,680 until it was granted to him the longed-for provisional freedom 1202 01:19:44,760 --> 01:19:46,600 awaiting trial. 1203 01:19:47,400 --> 01:19:49,440 [man] He forgot this. 1204 01:19:57,400 --> 01:19:59,240 [Balabam] Puppets! 1205 01:20:01,400 --> 01:20:02,240 Are you coming out, Puppets? 1206 01:20:02,320 --> 01:20:04,240 I do. Instead she stays here. 1207 01:20:04,320 --> 01:20:07,280 Oh, but she'll be back very soon too. 1208 01:20:08,120 --> 01:20:09,000 Why? 1209 01:20:09,800 --> 01:20:12,800 Because very soon the judges they will discover his accounts in Switzerland, 1210 01:20:12,880 --> 01:20:15,760 the double funds with its black accounting, 1211 01:20:15,840 --> 01:20:18,360 the ribbons with his compromising conversations. 1212 01:20:18,440 --> 01:20:22,880 Look, Lord Duke Count, that I know nothing about all this! 1213 01:20:22,960 --> 01:20:23,880 I swear to you. 1214 01:20:23,960 --> 01:20:27,560 Not yet, but he will have them soon. He will have them. 1215 01:20:28,600 --> 01:20:31,440 Mr. Dr. Duke Count, I seem to understand 1216 01:20:31,520 --> 01:20:35,440 that she is already moving to put it on me... he figured out where. 1217 01:20:35,800 --> 01:20:36,880 Puppets... 1218 01:20:37,800 --> 01:20:38,200 Fantozzi, it would be... 1219 01:20:38,280 --> 01:20:40,520 - ...we're in the same boat. - Which boat? 1220 01:20:41,800 --> 01:20:43,680 Precisely for this reason, I want to give her a chance. 1221 01:20:44,400 --> 01:20:46,360 Now that he's free, 1222 01:20:46,440 --> 01:20:49,920 can be obtained without difficulty two briefcases 1223 01:20:50,000 --> 01:20:52,360 which I have prepared in a safe place. 1224 01:20:52,800 --> 01:20:55,440 It will be enough who delivers them to the right person... 1225 01:20:56,000 --> 01:20:59,160 and this will provide to adjust our process, 1226 01:20:59,160 --> 01:21:03,560 to give a benevolent path to our common judicial destiny. 1227 01:21:04,800 --> 01:21:06,440 But this is corruption! 1228 01:21:07,160 --> 01:21:08,920 That's what we're here for! 1229 01:21:11,200 --> 01:21:13,960 I will never accept these practices! 1230 01:21:16,360 --> 01:21:21,400 I have great confidence in justice and institutions! 1231 01:21:25,320 --> 01:21:26,200 Goodbye! 1232 01:21:27,440 --> 01:21:28,760 Until we meet again. 1233 01:21:30,480 --> 01:21:35,320 [recorder] I have great confidence in justice and institutions! 1234 01:21:35,760 --> 01:21:36,960 [recorder] Goodbye! 1235 01:21:37,400 --> 01:21:39,240 - Well done, Puppets! - Fantozzi... 1236 01:21:39,320 --> 01:21:43,360 They are men like me and like her that keep Italy on its feet. 1237 01:21:43,880 --> 01:21:47,200 As the Prosecutor of the trial, I ask you to cooperate 1238 01:21:47,280 --> 01:21:48,880 to unmask the corrupter. 1239 01:21:48,960 --> 01:21:50,000 I? 1240 01:21:50,640 --> 01:21:54,840 Pretend you accept Balabam's offering and bait us. 1241 01:21:55,560 --> 01:21:57,680 As a bait, that is... I play the worm. 1242 01:21:57,760 --> 01:22:00,760 Bravo! "Worm" will be his code name. 1243 01:22:04,640 --> 01:22:07,120 In agreement with the Public Prosecutor, 1244 01:22:07,120 --> 01:22:09,880 followed the instructions of the corruptor Balabam. 1245 01:22:10,360 --> 01:22:13,600 Fantozzi had to withdraw suitcases with money 1246 01:22:13,680 --> 01:22:16,880 in a Liberian cargo ship belonging to the mega firm 1247 01:22:16,960 --> 01:22:22,000 and then go to the "La fajolada" restaurant, one of the most infamous in the port, 1248 01:22:22,800 --> 01:22:26,120 already monitored in secret by the police. 1249 01:22:31,840 --> 01:22:34,240 Worm fisherman. Did you find the briefcases? 1250 01:22:36,800 --> 01:22:37,680 Yes. 1251 01:22:37,680 --> 01:22:40,720 They are full of money, there are many billions here. 1252 01:22:40,800 --> 01:22:43,520 [intercom] Come with your bags to the agreed place. 1253 01:22:44,800 --> 01:22:45,560 [intercom] Worm to fisherman. 1254 01:22:45,640 --> 01:22:49,640 I'm scared, these suitcases are dangerous. Do I always have a spare? 1255 01:22:49,840 --> 01:22:51,360 Don't worry, worm. 1256 01:22:51,440 --> 01:22:54,160 It's behind him. Do you see it? 1257 01:22:55,200 --> 01:22:56,240 Ah! 1258 01:22:57,400 --> 01:22:59,480 Hey there! I am here! 1259 01:23:00,760 --> 01:23:04,400 Hate! It got underway! 1260 01:23:06,880 --> 01:23:08,640 Oh God... 1261 01:23:09,600 --> 01:23:12,560 Thank goodness, trouble could have happened! 1262 01:23:18,640 --> 01:23:20,280 Have you located the unmarked car? 1263 01:23:20,360 --> 01:23:21,480 Um... 1264 01:23:21,960 --> 01:23:26,640 I mean... Yes, only now instead of an unmarked car... 1265 01:23:26,960 --> 01:23:28,920 it's a sole car! 1266 01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:30,840 At the "La fajolada" restaurant, 1267 01:23:30,920 --> 01:23:34,120 Fantozzi should have ordered the house specialty 1268 01:23:34,200 --> 01:23:38,000 and wait for further instructions for the delivery of the money. 1269 01:23:57,400 --> 01:23:59,800 Here I am. What should I do? 1270 01:24:00,240 --> 01:24:02,800 Worm to fisherman. What should I do? 1271 01:24:03,280 --> 01:24:07,000 Be casual about it, take off your raincoat, order a beer! 1272 01:24:09,800 --> 01:24:10,440 Waiter, a beer! 1273 01:24:14,480 --> 01:24:18,400 In the end, Fantozzi managed to order the legendary fajolada, 1274 01:24:18,680 --> 01:24:23,120 terrifying Mexican soup based on chickpeas, broad beans, beans 1275 01:24:23,120 --> 01:24:25,120 and strong plum extract, 1276 01:24:25,120 --> 01:24:31,240 topped off with a massive dose of castor oil and cod liver. 1277 01:24:34,480 --> 01:24:38,000 Oh, here are the instructions! “Leave the money…Continue”? 1278 01:24:38,800 --> 01:24:39,640 How do you "continue"? 1279 01:24:40,880 --> 01:24:42,360 Another fajolada? 1280 01:24:42,640 --> 01:24:46,400 Waiter, excuse me. Can you give me... another one? 1281 01:24:47,360 --> 01:24:49,160 To know the complete text, 1282 01:24:49,160 --> 01:24:53,880 Fantozzi was forced to gulp eight portions of that explosive mixture. 1283 01:24:53,960 --> 01:24:56,880 He finally knew his instructions. 1284 01:25:00,920 --> 01:25:02,840 "End". Oh, mom... 1285 01:25:04,000 --> 01:25:05,560 Oh, mom... 1286 01:25:05,960 --> 01:25:09,760 The whole fajolada... What an adventure, the fajolada! 1287 01:25:22,360 --> 01:25:23,760 How cold! 1288 01:25:27,160 --> 01:25:30,600 Oh... Ouch! I have birth-like pain! 1289 01:25:30,680 --> 01:25:31,680 What happens? 1290 01:25:32,240 --> 01:25:35,680 Nothing, maybe I'm shitting myself very lightly on you! 1291 01:25:35,760 --> 01:25:38,400 It's not to be underestimated, it's serious! 1292 01:25:38,480 --> 01:25:41,880 Don't be a coward. Spoil the plan! 1293 01:25:41,960 --> 01:25:44,760 [sounds of pain] 1294 01:25:44,840 --> 01:25:49,520 Please, the toilet? Baila! Where is the toilet? 1295 01:25:51,720 --> 01:25:53,280 My vision is blurry! 1296 01:25:53,360 --> 01:25:54,600 Save! 1297 01:25:54,680 --> 01:25:56,400 No! 1298 01:25:56,960 --> 01:26:00,320 - [man] He's busy! - Busy? Oh, mom... 1299 01:26:01,280 --> 01:26:03,200 A vision! The sombrero! 1300 01:26:05,800 --> 01:26:09,720 Oh well, that's fine. It's the first time, but I am saved by a miracle. 1301 01:26:14,840 --> 01:26:19,400 Let's see if now I can finally do... 1302 01:26:19,560 --> 01:26:21,160 Hey! It's my sombrero! 1303 01:26:21,160 --> 01:26:22,880 As? The sombrero? 1304 01:26:22,960 --> 01:26:25,280 I didn't do anything, eh! 1305 01:26:25,360 --> 01:26:27,840 Controls. Just nothing! 1306 01:26:27,920 --> 01:26:32,160 Then I'll explain. I'm in serious trouble, It's a very difficult time! 1307 01:26:33,280 --> 01:26:37,920 [woman] And now, ladies and gentlemen, Los Bambas! 1308 01:26:39,480 --> 01:26:41,560 [laughter] 1309 01:26:42,800 --> 01:26:45,160 Ouch, ouch, ouch... 1310 01:26:45,280 --> 01:26:47,480 Oh, oh, oh... 1311 01:26:51,480 --> 01:26:53,520 Ouch, ouch, ouch... 1312 01:26:54,640 --> 01:26:56,440 Ouch, ouch, ouch... 1313 01:26:58,760 --> 01:27:03,360 [Fantozzi intones the verses of pain] 1314 01:27:03,920 --> 01:27:05,560 What does he do? Do you dance? 1315 01:27:06,240 --> 01:27:08,800 It will be part of the instructions. 1316 01:27:12,400 --> 01:27:15,720 What instructions? I'm the one giving the instructions! 1317 01:27:20,200 --> 01:27:24,320 He's crazy! He can't come out into the open. It could be an ambush! 1318 01:27:31,400 --> 01:27:35,760 Oh, my God... I'm exploding! I'm about to explode! 1319 01:27:35,960 --> 01:27:37,840 Oh, mother... I can't see anymore! 1320 01:27:37,960 --> 01:27:39,800 Ah, I'll do it here! 1321 01:27:39,880 --> 01:27:41,400 [sound of pain] 1322 01:27:41,480 --> 01:27:44,520 They hit him! It's an ambush! 1323 01:27:44,600 --> 01:27:47,440 [continuous farting noise] 1324 01:27:47,520 --> 01:27:50,560 The machine guns! They drill it! 1325 01:27:50,640 --> 01:27:53,920 [louder farting noise] 1326 01:27:54,000 --> 01:27:55,760 Even a hand grenade! 1327 01:27:56,840 --> 01:28:01,200 Code red! To all men! Take action! 1328 01:28:18,200 --> 01:28:20,520 What do they want? 1329 01:28:23,720 --> 01:28:29,720 This court has the pleasure to be acquitted with a full sentence, 1330 01:28:30,800 --> 01:28:33,720 for the past, present and future, 1331 01:28:33,840 --> 01:28:37,320 Duke Count Balabam Giovanni Maria 1332 01:28:37,440 --> 01:28:42,840 from any accusation recklessly formulated against him. 1333 01:28:42,920 --> 01:28:46,880 And he condemns Fantocci Ugo 1334 01:28:46,960 --> 01:28:51,720 for appropriation of two briefcases of dirty money... 1335 01:28:51,800 --> 01:28:56,560 - This is calling! - ...to the penalty of ten years each, 1336 01:28:56,960 --> 01:29:02,600 to be discounted in a maximum security prison. 1337 01:29:02,680 --> 01:29:05,680 - What did I tell you, Pupazzi? - Fantozzi... 1338 01:29:05,760 --> 01:29:09,640 You have to have the utmost trust in justice and institutions. 1339 01:29:09,720 --> 01:29:11,640 I said that, though. 1340 01:29:11,720 --> 01:29:14,640 She can always hope for grace. 1341 01:29:16,400 --> 01:29:17,960 How human are you... 1342 01:29:18,280 --> 01:29:20,800 In fact, a few years later, 1343 01:29:20,880 --> 01:29:24,600 when the mega president was nominated Minister of Justice, 1344 01:29:24,680 --> 01:29:30,000 Fantozzi entered the Balabam decree, also known as "sponge blow" 1345 01:29:30,800 --> 01:29:31,400 and was released from prison 1346 01:29:31,480 --> 01:29:35,320 coinciding with the final of the football world championship. 1347 01:29:35,400 --> 01:29:36,640 Permit! 1348 01:29:39,800 --> 01:29:41,680 Ugo! 1349 01:29:42,400 --> 01:29:43,440 Ugo? 1350 01:29:44,720 --> 01:29:45,640 Pina! 1351 01:29:45,720 --> 01:29:49,000 Come on, Pina! The game is on! Run! 1352 01:29:49,800 --> 01:29:51,840 Ugo! You don't have the keys! 1353 01:29:51,920 --> 01:29:53,720 [Fantozzi] Let's go! 1354 01:29:53,800 --> 01:29:56,240 Ugo! You don't have the keys! 1355 01:29:56,320 --> 01:29:58,560 [tv] Dear viewers, good afternoon. 1356 01:29:58,640 --> 01:30:02,440 [tv] They face each other, to win the cup... 1357 01:30:02,560 --> 01:30:07,480 [sings] Alé... oh oh! Alé... oh oh! 1358 01:30:07,480 --> 01:30:09,720 [sings] Alé... oh oh! 1359 01:30:09,800 --> 01:30:11,960 - Whoever jumps for the blues! - Ugo! 1360 01:30:12,400 --> 01:30:15,520 Huh? What is it? Are you starting to break up again? 1361 01:30:15,600 --> 01:30:18,000 But we haven't seen each other for years! 1362 01:30:18,800 --> 01:30:21,360 Who cares! Don't you see what's happening? 1363 01:30:21,440 --> 01:30:26,000 Woman, in the kitchen! Onion omelette, cold beer and free burp! 1364 01:30:26,800 --> 01:30:28,000 Go! 1365 01:30:28,560 --> 01:30:31,440 On who jumps for the blues! 1366 01:30:31,520 --> 01:30:34,600 [sings] Alé... oh oh! 1367 01:30:35,440 --> 01:30:36,720 Ouch! 1368 01:30:42,120 --> 01:30:45,880 This is truly it one of the most beautiful moments... 1369 01:30:45,960 --> 01:30:48,600 Indeed, perhaps it is the most important of my life! 1370 01:30:48,680 --> 01:30:51,800 Me, this game here, I don't lose it even when I'm dead! 1371 01:30:53,640 --> 01:30:54,640 No... 1372 01:30:54,920 --> 01:30:56,240 No... 1373 01:30:56,240 --> 01:30:58,240 But right now? 1374 01:30:58,560 --> 01:30:59,920 No, please. 1375 01:31:02,800 --> 01:31:06,000 No! There's my match! 1376 01:31:07,240 --> 01:31:11,120 Pina, they won't let me watch the match, did you understand? 1377 01:31:11,120 --> 01:31:14,200 Pina, aren't you listening to me? 1378 01:31:16,480 --> 01:31:20,400 Pina, what the fuck are you doing? Will you turn off the game for me? 1379 01:31:21,280 --> 01:31:22,520 Pina, but... 1380 01:31:22,760 --> 01:31:25,720 can't you see me? 1381 01:31:25,840 --> 01:31:27,560 You don't see me. 1382 01:31:29,560 --> 01:31:31,400 He doesn't see me anymore. 1383 01:31:34,800 --> 01:31:36,160 [man] Bagarozzi! 1384 01:31:36,240 --> 01:31:39,920 Um, Fantozzi would be my name. 1385 01:31:43,600 --> 01:31:45,360 - [man] Tell me. - Here you are. 1386 01:31:48,600 --> 01:31:51,280 [man] Seat 17. Please take a seat. 1387 01:31:51,360 --> 01:31:53,560 Thank you. What is the program here? 1388 01:31:54,120 --> 01:31:57,200 Here we are in contemplation and you look at the great light. 1389 01:31:57,280 --> 01:31:58,720 The great light... 1390 01:31:58,800 --> 01:32:01,720 Then I'm going. Oh well... 1391 01:32:01,800 --> 01:32:03,760 [radio commentary] 1392 01:32:03,880 --> 01:32:05,400 Bagarozzi, tell me. 1393 01:32:05,840 --> 01:32:09,560 [radio] Here's Maldini, proposing himself on the left, receives a pass... 1394 01:32:09,680 --> 01:32:13,160 lengthens the stride, goes deep, look for space for the cross... 1395 01:32:13,160 --> 01:32:15,440 He finds it! Church... [radio is turned off] 1396 01:32:16,000 --> 01:32:18,480 Then there is no hope for the match. 1397 01:32:20,320 --> 01:32:22,200 Make us look happy! 1398 01:32:30,800 --> 01:32:31,680 [woman] What serenity! 1399 01:32:34,600 --> 01:32:36,680 [man] How wonderful! 1400 01:32:38,160 --> 01:32:40,560 [woman 2] How beautiful! 1401 01:32:40,640 --> 01:32:42,920 - Permission... - [woman 3] Sit down! 1402 01:32:43,000 --> 01:32:45,960 Now I too see the great light. Sixteen... 1403 01:32:46,360 --> 01:32:48,440 Seventeen... 1404 01:32:49,440 --> 01:32:54,000 Here it is! Now I too see the great light! 1405 01:32:56,120 --> 01:32:57,480 But here it is... 1406 01:32:57,560 --> 01:33:00,160 I don't see anything, I have the column! 1407 01:33:00,240 --> 01:33:04,600 Excuse me, can we change seats? 1408 01:33:05,880 --> 01:33:06,960 [Berlusconi] Silence! 1409 01:33:07,400 --> 01:33:08,400 Like silence? 1410 01:33:08,480 --> 01:33:10,400 Allow me... silence! 1411 01:33:10,600 --> 01:33:13,840 Has she come back? Was there another turnaround? 1412 01:33:13,920 --> 01:33:16,120 First there was the one with... 1413 01:33:16,760 --> 01:33:20,320 - Isn't that one anymore? - There's... damn. 1414 01:33:20,320 --> 01:33:24,120 But being me a great communication expert, 1415 01:33:24,120 --> 01:33:26,400 the left allowed me 1416 01:33:26,480 --> 01:33:30,280 to carry out a delicate supervisory task. 1417 01:33:31,800 --> 01:33:35,240 But he was reduced to being a mask! 1418 01:33:35,320 --> 01:33:38,800 No, I'm still my broadcaster! 1419 01:33:38,920 --> 01:33:42,440 So he always has his hands in the dough everywhere, huh? 1420 01:33:42,520 --> 01:33:45,520 I have my saints in heaven, allow me. 1421 01:33:45,600 --> 01:33:46,680 Contemplate! 1422 01:33:47,240 --> 01:33:49,600 Here it is! 1423 01:33:49,960 --> 01:33:53,120 Finally... the great light! 1424 01:33:53,720 --> 01:33:55,480 The great light... 1425 01:33:55,560 --> 01:33:57,760 [advertising jingle] 1426 01:33:57,840 --> 01:34:01,120 They have interrupted the great light! 1427 01:34:01,120 --> 01:34:04,800 It's just a short one commercial break for us. 1428 01:34:04,880 --> 01:34:09,120 That's better! So it's only 62 seconds long, huh? 1429 01:34:09,120 --> 01:34:12,320 No, for all eternity! 1430 01:34:12,400 --> 01:34:17,160 [advertising] ...on the useful pages! Or call the toll-free number... 1431 01:34:17,240 --> 01:34:20,120 How blessed I am! 1432 01:34:20,200 --> 01:34:23,120 [advertising] Your future is in safe hands!